Nonetheless, I am glad she was sensible enough to call me back (eventually) and apologised. Now, I feel justified because her apology did sound sincere and she realised she went overboard with the way she acted.. well at least she was sobbing when she called the second time; an indication (to me) that she'd calmed down and is able to think rationally (I hope so). I mean, I'm a girl and I understand how we girls tend to feel (highly emotional) and think sometimes. So, my conclusion from this experience is.. I thought I was an insecure girlfriend, well, I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE..there's someone else out there who is in a more vulnerable position than me. And you know what, being the good guy, I wanted to help her feel better and iron out whatever is actually bothering her.. Sometimes, I wonder if I am a too nice a person.. and that's why I end up being the door rug at times. *sigh*
- Mood:
blank
i finally get to meet and spend a couple of hours with the boyfriend on tuesday evening after lecture. he'd shoots for the past couple of days and work schedule had been hectic and irregular. i'm seriously looking forward to the day when we'll be able to just spend the day with each other without worrying abt work the next day etc. but why do i hav a feeling its a looooooooong wait b4 that ever eventually happen? prolly during our honeymoon. okay, lets not even get started on that topic of marriage.
developed sore throat on monday.. and by now, my tonsils feel uber swollen. plans for tmr? continue with preparing mini eclairs for Kak Idah's function which will be happening this saturday. Nayli Athila's cukur rambut ceremony.
looking forward to this weekend!
Something suddenly struck a chord in me. 2009 is almost coming to the end, another 2 months++ will go by.. and the next thing you know everyone's celebrating the NEW YEAR. Oh dear Heaven.
well. its the..er, *counts the days* 6th day of Syawal already, coincidentally making it the 25th of Sept. so how's it been this year? i feel kinda not-so-gd with this yrs eid cos even tho there's a new member of the family to celebrate the joyous and happy occasion, it still doesnt feel like so. i thought it might be a little more on a happier mood for this yrs Syawal with baby L.R arnd... i guess with so many things/events that had happened to me on a personal level and for the other family members as well, expectations are modified. nevertheless, life still goes on.
actually, im feeling rather down right now. realising that i've not lived life to the fullest at the age of 23, and yet there are so so many things to learn and experience, its a tough road ahead. i sound like im not happy with my life right now, dont i? dont get me wrong. i am very grateful and thankful to Allah for the blessings and trials that He had given me thus far. its jus that after being shed some light on and receiving some spiritual nourishment (which for your info, something i had not been exposed to since.....erm......way back in poly days? okay, u get wat i mean there. that long la) i feel like i nd to get back on that rocky road and start again. i mean, things DO HAPPEN for a reason right? somehow, somewhr along the way.. in the midst of finding answers to some unanswered qns in my life, an unforseen force brought me to whr i am now. but how do i restart?
its like a tug of war. betwn the good and the evil. the halal and the haram. the ying and the yang.
note to self: its two thirty in the morn and there's so many words/expressions/feelings/thoguhts going thro my mind right now and apparently i feel like i nd someone to talk to and bcos of that i cant slp. i've got a late afternoon lecture later and a movie date afterwards.
- Mood:
confused
so here i am, the body is tired but the mind is wide awake. i wish i was in another continent or something, whr its daytime.
i'm feeling bitter tonight. its Good Friday btw, the first for the year 2009. *sigh*
i just wanna note down some of the things we had today:
1. fried fish soup + rice
2. onion & egg prata + plain prata
3. cheese fries
4. chewy junior - almond vanilla sweeetheart & almond choco crunch (recommended)
5. pink yogurt - Famous three + choco mellow (not recommended)
6. ice lemond tea
7. coke zero
8. tea
well, its been a loong time since i went out with mom and sis .. you know those kind of days .. mother and daughter day out.
frankly, today felt so different. somehow, the level of happiness or the warmth that i used to get from my mom seems to be missing. haiz. i dunno la. ever since i turned 20, things have been sooo different. and to be honest, it makes me feel alittle not-as-happy-as-i-used-to-be.
peace.
Monday the 1st Sept, was the first time and hopefully the last I missed lecture. I was down with the flu and the sore throat was annoyingly annoying, and soon the fever crept in by Monday morning.
I spent the whole of Sunday and Monday in bed, under the blanket, with an almost blocked nose which of course almost had me suffocated. It’s been awhile since I was sick. It was a good reminder.
Surprisingly, thank God, I was feeling slightly better the next day and managed to get something started again – the 2 assignments which are due next week. I was stuck with the forth question for my math assignment. Something about finding the critical points also known as stationary points of the given equation, y = (1+2x) e to the power of –x.
And today, I should get started with my Intro to Business & Mgt (IBM) assignment. Well, at least I’ve taken a look at the questions.
You know what? I woke up this morning, thinking to myself; gee I’ve been at home for 3 days straight. I want to take a walk. The weather was fine this morning. But as I’m typing this, the sound of thunder is subtle, the sky growing darker.
- Mood:distracted
today is one of those days when i feel like ive got alot to say but there's nothing specific to talk about; i dont have anyone to 'talk' to and no one is talking to me.
maybe i should start with what happened to me today. the plan was to get my watch a change of battery, buy the panadol for aches and back pain for my mom, the jotter books so that i can transfer the notes ive been taking during lecture and organize the facts proper before the next lecuture and last but not least, satisfy my beef craving. well, almost all the tasks were achieved, except for the transfering of data. right after my lunch of double cheese burger from macdonald's, i experienced a very painful stomach ache which left me with a very bloated and cramp lower abdomen (imagine a muscle cramp in a middle of the night). the pain was excruciatingly painful, which left me well, immobile for the rest of the afternoon, which was the part of the day i planned to do the data transfer.
oh well, mayb, just mayb i'll b able to do that later at night.
you know its been quite some time since i last 'socialise'. ever since i got back from aussie and since school started. yea i know what you might be thinking, 'shldnt u b able to socialise in school, since that's where you make friends etc?' yea i know, but within that 3 hours of lecture, we spent most of the time listening and taking down notes and occasionally answering the lecturer's qns. by the end of the 3 hours lecture, some of them might be rushing for the next lecture and some are ready to head home or meet up with their other social grp. so whats my point here? there's a lack of social interactions as compared to when i was working. but on the other hand, there's always the Internet where you're connected to others in the virtual wold, and thus able to 'interact' with other social beings. but the m1 vodafone broadband connection that im currently using at home has made me an impatient person, somehow. i guess today is an exception.
- Mood:talkative
Tthe faint sound of metallica blasting from the guy's earphone, who was standing infront some how helped ease the tension, which was creeping in .. and the lack of energy to even lift my bag off the train's floor .. i was exhausted at the end of my monday.
6 hours of lecture for the day left me somewhat breatheless and a little light headed from the slight dizziness .. and of course at the end of the day, i was hungry .. thank God i had 2 slices of kaya bread during the 10 minutes break before the start of the second lecture ..
what was i thinking huh? well, i didnt consider such scenarios at the time i chose my modules and timeslots. another lesson learnt, the hard way.
as i left the lecture hall, with the heavy load on my back and the stacks of lecture notes for IBM in one hand .. its sinking in.. again .. no one said its gonna be easy .. but nevertheless, looking on the bright side of things, the talk given by Mrs Gosling the Director for the LSE External Study, was indeed motivational and a good diversion from the lecture .. i guess her timing couldnt be any better .. .
here's another hurdle i've gotta get over .. till i reach the end of the race ..
i spent the whole wednesday afternoon catching up with solving simultaneous eqns, indices, logs sums .. because on monday which was the day i had my first lesson at uni .. i found myself losing track as the lecturer was going through the workings of the eqn and eventually the answers and solutions .. i started to panic and worry and it got the better of me .. i was feeling lousy at the end of the day, so called up the boyfriend while on my way home, told him about it ..and i think i made it sound like its the end of it for me.. he kinda re-assured/encouraged me that i've got to be positive and gotta practice ..
thank God for the next few days of no class, which gave me the time to catch up or at least refresh my memory on how to go abt solving simultaneous eqns and all the above mentioned... with the wonderful invention of the Internet, i managed to get pretty basic explainations and step by step examples online .. then practiced and attempted a number of sums ...
i surprised myself at the end of wednesday .. didnt think i'll be able to solve the review qns in the tutorials .. becos in the past, i think i wld have given up halfway.. and i thought i could continue with lecture 2's topic which is functions and later moving on to the supply and demand functions.. but i couldnt comprehend any of those concepts.. so i found myself online and i was chatting with an ex-colleague last night .. we were talking abt my experience on my first day of sch and my strugglings.. then came to a point where i realised and told him .. 'i guess working under Mista G has taught me to accept difficulties as challenges and i'd learn to push my limits'
you know .. there are ppl who are born smart .. and i know im not one of them ... there's another group of ppl who might not be smart .. but they are hardworking .. mayb im hardworking eh?
my second class is on principles of sociology .. which is this friday ..
- Mood:sleepy but cant sleep
it was only yesterday and the day before that i felt like my life was going on track and i was the happiest and luckiest person.. but just like the weather, i feel otherwise now.
It’s been a month or so since I reported to work; in other words, no cash flow for a month… and I’m a few days away from the start of school life. It’s starting to bug me already.
I’ve got to be patient. I really have to hang in there before I decide on something to do with the current situation. I feel like I’m all alone in this.
It didn’t occur to me when I made the decision to move on. I wish someone had talked to me about it. The whole process of it, you know what I mean. I wish I had someone to talk to at that time before the final step was taken.
To be honest, I’m starting to worry again. Worry about things that haven’t happen, going to happen or ought to happen tomorrow, the next day and the next.
She remembered one of the conversations she had with her dad. He asked her, “Does he know what hardship is?” and he left it as that after she told him, yes, her boyfriend had a tough life when he was growing up, and somehow he learnt to take care of himself in the process of it.
She didn’t know what her father meant, by asking such a question out of the blue, especially, regarding her boyfriend at that time. Did he leave this world, less worried about his youngest daughter, knowing that the guy she’s with knows what a hard life could be and how it feels like? And that that guy will be able to help her adapt to her life when he’s no longer around, when there’s a change in her routine, and when the going really gets tough?
And the next thing she knew, he was gone the next morning and she was left with questions without answers.
for the first time, he cooked for me. we had a simple pasta dish for late lunch earli dinner.
i have to agree with him; we've gotta cook together to get the taste proper.
when i cooked, it's a little too blend for him. when he cooked, it's a little too salty for me.
i had a taste of the slice of cake.. and from yesterday's experience, i guess i can live with a simple life like that.
is that why i was an emotional wreck for the past few days, especially the night before, when i had a melt down while on the phone with the boyfriend?
i didnt go to this funeral. the last funeral i attended was in June. one of my dad's relative passed away. it was one of those sudden death, and i could relate to the daughter and son of the deceased. it was like a buried memory relived.
and so i was home alone, decided to do some spring cleaning today. might as well, since im only left with a few days before the semester starts. wiped out the layer of dust accumulated over the months with the sponge which was soaked water mixed with a few drops of vinegar, vacuumed a bit here and there, threw out the unwanted papers and what nots, and shifted the large table from the dinning room to my tiny room with the help of my sister, who came home at arnd 6 thirty-ish. by then i my back was started to ache.
but im glad that's finally done. im all ready to go ....
" Because I didnt want to remember being too happy. I didnt want to think about those times, because i'd cry.. But remembering being happy just guts me. So everytime I'd do it, I'd just say, 'No, don't do that'. And pretty soon it was gone. " - End of quote from the book, The Tiger's Child.
i totally can relate to Sheila on that.
I don’t know why but the tears just start dwelling up when a touching moment comes by… Like for example today, I was watching Gilmore Girls and it was the part where Rory’s boyfriend proposed to her, I started to tear, and the part when Rory was on stage for her graduation ceremony, I started to tear. And my heart ached when Rory said no and returned the ring and the whole breakup scene. Its been like these for the past few days. Like what’s the matter with me? Its jus a show on television.
Yesterday marked a new beginning for all of us. Well, another new beginning to me actually because the morning my dad passed away was my first new beginning.
But anyways, like everyone says, life has its ups and downs, when the going gets tough, the tough gets going, you’ve just got to live every moment like its your last.
With God’s will, my sister is going to start her new journey as a trainee licensed aircraft maintenance engineer, which in fact will begin on the same day I start my first day of school. And the newest news came from my brother and his wife. The next 7 months will be interesting … especially for my brother and wife. im really grateful for how my life has become.
So much to look forward to for the coming months – start of school, cousin’s open house, cousin’s wedding, a couple of new born babies…
I felt a strong sudden emotion in my heart, as my mind started to rewind the memories and flashbacks appeared of those Sunday mornings when I was with my father, buying breakfast after our morning grocery shopping at geylang’s wet market. I don’t know what triggered it.
its been a week plus 4 days since i've been back.
it feels like time has some how slowed down for me as i looked and traced back to a few weeks ago .. how it all started .. what i did and experienced then .. yet at the same time - back to reality i spose; i realised i've got less than 2 weeks or so before i start waking up for a real purpose, okay, mayb not a purpose but i think at this stage of my life, its an aim.. a goal .. to attend classes and just the thought of going back to school on a full time basis is starting to make me feel nervous.
talking baout nervousness. my mood have been, well, rather erratic. that i noticed today especially and caught myself being so, but did nothing about it. there's nothing to make it stop or go away. one moment i felt this way, then in a couple of hours i was the total opposite and the next couple of hours i didnt feel like talking. and look at me now. typing away at hte keyboard at this hour (well, technically, at the other side of the world, it is daytime). its a little irritating, the erratic moods i mean. tried to sweat it out, that didnt help either.
i didnt sleep well last nite. i was having a headache out of nowhere just as i was preparing to sleep. and tonight, im not even sleepy. well, at this very moment, my eyes may feel tired, but my brain or mind isnt. tried reading, didnt help. drank milk. didnt work.
oh. mayb its the tea that's making me this way. i've been drinking tea, home made lemon tea to be precise for the past few days. i think the habit of drinking tea started when i was staying with my aunt in Manly, Sydney. I wonder how's everyone doing..
anyways, since life is too short to be wasted with worries and complains and what not, im uploading the photos to my photobucket now (fingers crossed. cos the uploading process is pretty smooth tonite)
- Mood:
ntah
well, apparently, my flight's been delayed. so here i am, back at my aunt's place! hahahha. ironic isnt it. all morning i was contemplating of checking in both my baggages, instead of having to carry the other(8kg) all the way frm checkin to customs and into the cabin. fortunately with the delay, 4 hrs delay, the cust service rep allowed me to check in both my baggages, was given complimentary food voucher to spent at the airport, and free parking for my uncle.
to be honest i cldnt wait to get on the plane!
anyway, its estimated to depart at 9pm (aussie time) and reach singapore at 2am i was told. but when i check the singapore changi airport schedule, its estimated to depart at 21:55 and arriving at 03:00.
to occupy the excess time, heh, i transferred the photos frm the card to my aunt's comp and had 1 1/2 pieces of warm tuna and cheese sandwich with milo.
we went to Taronga Zoo in the morning and it was freeezing! 13 degrees + wind = COLD.
but it was all good.
it seems like i eat 4-5 meals a day (including snacking in betweens) since ive been here.
breakfast @ 10am - aussie time ; too early for me to hav breakfast if im in sg, that'll b 8am - spore time.
lunch @ 1pm - aussie time ; it'll serve as late breakfast for me, 11am - spore time. i'll b eating something at 3pm aussie time cos somehow my stomach thinks its lunch time.
dinner @ 6pm - aussie time;
see wat i mean, 4-5 meals a day?
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